Wandering through the world these days it makes me wonder if everyone has a place. Do we have a path that our lives are destined to take? Are we born with a fate that is unchangeable? Are certain people destined to be happy and others sad? Can we have the lives we yearn for despite our destiny?
For the twenty years that I have been living, there have been so few times when I’ve felt that my life was heading in the right direction. I’ve been satisfied with the way my life was, but never truly happy.
What is it though that would make a person happy with their life? For some all they need is someone who loves them unwaveringly, family, a nice home, and a good job. For others all they want is money, and everything it can buy to make their life full. For myself it is harder to define. Yes I’d love all of those things in my life but I can’t say having any of them would make my life complete. I’ve fantasized about different lifestyles, but who’s to say which one will make me happy. Who can tell me which path leads to Nirvana?
Fate deals us cards and we make our choices. We keep this one, throw the other away. Life is a series of decisions, good or bad, and no one is letting us cheat. There is no undo function to let us see which choice plays out better, no reset button to try a different approach. You can run through the ‘what ifs’ a thousand times, still you can’t change the past. The decisions you made, the people you hurt, the smiles you shared, or the tears you shed. You also can’t plan the future. You can assume you’ll act a certain way, but in the end, there will be something you didn’t count on, and again you’re stuck with two choices, and no rewind.
Then again, what if there was a rewind, would you use it? In all good conscience would you be able to? All of your actions have an effect on the world around you. Maybe a choice you made didn’t work out for you, but made someone else happy. Is it right for you to be able to say no wait, I don’t like how this ended I want to change it, and make that person unhappy. The repercussions of your decisions affect more then just you.
So how do you find happiness in a world where so many of your choices are filled with the dread of consequences? Should you settle for a simple life with the basics, or should you fight for what you want?
Should I fight for my career as a writer, living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, with only fresh air and nature around me? Or should I find myself a good paying job, live in an apartment, and breathe smog all day? When will I get the things I want out of life? Are they included on my destined path? Will I find my Nirvana or just have to be happy with a false heaven on earth?
With choices presenting themselves every second of the day, why is it I feel so trapped? Stuck in an endless circle. Am I making the same choices time and again? Or is it that I am not learning from the mistakes of the past hence the repetition? Why do I crave that which I cannot attain? It is understandable to want to better yourself and your life, yet is it natural to want to exceed those boundaries, which have been placed on you by society, and reality.
Some call it healthy to want to leave your comfort zone, search out those things, which in some effect are not within reach, to better yourself by exposing yourself to the harsh facts of life. In search of some existential realization that everything you thought you knew was true, and that no matter how much you strive for it, it will never be.
You hide behind masks, who you want to be, and who people think you are. The different feelings and traits associated with each. Overlapping, but never really touching; the brave front against those who would hurt you or the loving visage for your partner. Each mask is an image, which has been perfected.
Do we build bridges from ourselves or do we build walls? If each of us is creating different images for those we meet, then we are slowly enclosing ourselves in lies. How can we continue living in these lies? When will we be allowed to break down the walls and come out into the light?
Perhaps the darkness has warped us in a way we have yet to realize. Technology is bringing us closer to those far away, but at the same time it is dragging us from those around us. We walk around waiting for the next moment online. Where we can be who ever we want and no one knows the difference. We create new identities with every person we talk to, slowly loosing ourselves in the wash of personalities that encompasses us.
So what will happen when we have lost ourselves completely? When we’ve fallen into the abyss of emotions, faces and darkness. Will we be able to escape, or will it be the end? Will we merely fade into oblivion? Or will our faces live on in those we knew? Will old friends sit around a room, and all have different images of us? Will the truth surface in the end? So many questions that are raised from the fact that we all have to build walls, to keep the few bridges we’ve created from collapsing.
When was it that being unique, and individual became such a crime? We all live in these worlds where we either have to be like someone else, or have others like us. A world of sheep; with so few who reject the norm and live the way they want to. Most times when we break from the typical pattern of humanity, we are quickly herded back into place. Back into the ranks of followers, the stamped out human models of conformity.
Now that we have entered the year 2000, I think it is time for change. It is time for us to break the bonds of conformity, time for us to stand up and rebel. We will challenge the molds of life, and create our own, to be ourselves, original and unique. Fate will not force our hands to that which we want not. Create the life you want. Nothing will prevent us from following our dreams.
Changes are things that occur no matter what; let us make the ones we want. Just as one before we had freedom, we will again. We shall sings like bird, or write our hearts words across the sky. The world will be ours, as will our souls. The masks shall be shed, and all will be seen. No one else can be you, so strive to be yourself. If all else fails, keep recreating yourself, life will bore you over time, so do what you feel is right.
Follow your destiny, or throw it out the window, just be you. Live the way you want, love the way only you can. Don’t hate because who are you kidding no one likes to hold a grudge. Destiny and fate will take their toll, but you have to be happy. So play with the cards your dealt, and don’t look for the reset button, there isn’t one! You should know that by now. Finally, be yourself, cause you know, no one else can be.